Not chronological, just moments, some of the dark ones, some with glimmers.
From Paedo to Narcissist..falling for the Love Bombing.
So when i wrote that my husband had left and I was heartbroken as it was all me and Court I realise I was still disillusioned.
It wasn't me, the Girls, Court, the menopause. It was him.
Part 25: Application for Expert in Family Court (and being unprepared in Court).
As part of Court Part 2 - where we are lining up for a Fact Finding Hearing (Trial) to agree future contact arrangements, any party can apply for a Part 25 which is a request for professional expert (psychological in my case) assessment of the child in order to determine what is in the best interest of the child.
Directions Hearing (no 8?) and Cafcass Section 7 report.
In the last Court date a FHDR it was stipulated that the girls Guardian (Cafcass appointed) should meet Iris (Lolais no longer part of the proceedings despite her father requesting otherwise) and produce a Section 7 report with his recommendations.
The term 'Section 7' fills me with dread still. In the original Court case it was the Social Workers Section 7 which threw me (and the girls) under the bus as they said they did not believe any abuse took place and Liam should have unfettered access to his children.
Back to reality - the end of the ‘dream’.
And now my current husband has said ‘shall we call it a day’, at the Polish Club in South Kensington as we were waiting to meet friends for dinner.
The back story: before I emerged as the Practical Mermaid.
When my youngest daughter was 3 she started to disclose to my mother and I that her father with whom I had separated was sexually abusing her. This was nearly 6 years ago and after 2.5 years in the family court he was found culpable. I have spent the last 3 years rebuilding our lives the best way that I can, but now, because he is demanding more time with my youngest daughter (the eldest likes to think of him as dead and he was called Voldemort by her for some years) we are back in the court system.
Hindsight is always a wonderful thing.
I have a distinct memory of calling Lola on the second night., I was at a black tie dinner but as I went outside to speak to her she was hysterical, screaming for me to come home. Of course I had no idea why. I felt trapped knowing that they weren’t happy when they were with him but I had no idea why or grounds to stop it.
Fact Finding; the reality of a trial.
His first question, my wedding, the assertation I was unhinged. I did have to explain in front of my parents that I was unprepared for a Greek wedding and the nail in the coffin was unintentionally having a spliff at 4am....but I was also confident I had done nothing wrong.
Supervised Contact. How supervised is it?
Originally both girls were directed to have supervised contact weekly on a Saturday managed by a Children's Centre. This went on for a period of about 18 months - which you can imagine was limiting if we had weekend plans - and we missed countless plans. Camping trips with friends, visits to the beach, critical Euro football matches…
And the Fact Finding is postponed for the 2nd time.
I shouldn't be surprised. Every time there is an end in sight it gets ripped away from underneath me.
People say 'try and park it', it is out of your control, look at the positives. But I have planned the next two months. Holiday days I have needed to book off work, cancelled events close to the week as 4 days in Court was going to need every ounce of strength
How much can one person take?
I have always been a glass half full person, can see the positives, have a growth mindset and look to the future. But in the past few weeks I have felt broken. In my earlier post I wrote about judgement, and seriously I don't think anyone has in a year what I have had in the past 3 weeks.
Judgement (not THE Judgement). How do you deal with well meaning ‘advice’ (shame).
It is very easy for friends and family members to offer advice or an opinion. But I am finally at the point where I can say - No, I know I am strong, I know I fuck up, but I know I have done everything I can to protect my children.
Legal jargon. ChatGPT does wonders.
Sitting with strangers who talk about you and your family as if they know you, who have the ability to make crucial decisions that you are powerless to veto, feels totally inhumane and I have left more than once in tears.