Not chronological, just moments, some of the dark ones, some with glimmers.
Fact Finding; the reality of a trial.
His first question, my wedding, the assertation I was unhinged. I did have to explain in front of my parents that I was unprepared for a Greek wedding and the nail in the coffin was unintentionally having a spliff at 4am....but I was also confident I had done nothing wrong.
Supervised Contact. How supervised is it?
Originally both girls were directed to have supervised contact weekly on a Saturday managed by a Children's Centre. This went on for a period of about 18 months - which you can imagine was limiting if we had weekend plans - and we missed countless plans. Camping trips with friends, visits to the beach, critical Euro football matches…
And the Fact Finding is postponed for the 2nd time.
I shouldn't be surprised. Every time there is an end in sight it gets ripped away from underneath me.
People say 'try and park it', it is out of your control, look at the positives. But I have planned the next two months. Holiday days I have needed to book off work, cancelled events close to the week as 4 days in Court was going to need every ounce of strength
How much can one person take?
I have always been a glass half full person, can see the positives, have a growth mindset and look to the future. But in the past few weeks I have felt broken. In my earlier post I wrote about judgement, and seriously I don't think anyone has in a year what I have had in the past 3 weeks.
Judgement (not THE Judgement). How do you deal with well meaning ‘advice’ (shame).
It is very easy for friends and family members to offer advice or an opinion. But I am finally at the point where I can say - No, I know I am strong, I know I fuck up, but I know I have done everything I can to protect my children.
Legal jargon. ChatGPT does wonders.
Sitting with strangers who talk about you and your family as if they know you, who have the ability to make crucial decisions that you are powerless to veto, feels totally inhumane and I have left more than once in tears.